Part of the journey of writing and publishing a book is putting yourself out there and asking for reviews. This can be a little nerve racking and a rollercoaster ride for ones ego. When Not of My Making received excellent reviews from Midwest Book Review, Joanne Carnavale (A Reader and a Writer Reviews) and others I was ecstatic with pride, joy and relief. There was no difficulty deciding what to do with them. I just basked in the warm praise happy I succeeded in writing a compelling story well.
Reviewers brought something of themselves when they read my book and when they wrote their review. Those reviewers who wrote the book was outstanding understood its central theme and identified with having been bullied and mistreated. Those reviewers who were less positive either could not identify with my experience or were expecting something that I did not promise. One reviewer, for instance, wanted to read more about my childhood and the impact of the church conflict on my marriage. I don’t think I promised to do that in my advertising blurbs and in my view, was not central to the story I wanted to tell.
This reviewer also wrote that I espoused a belief in a distant but noble God. That is not something I actually said and that he inferred. It is not how I would characterize my faith. He also appeared to treat my faith as something that was static and unchanging rather than a journey of moving away from and then back to Christianity. During the experiences I wrote about I was confused by the failure of my former friends to walk their talk. The paradox is that while I do not speak the traditional Christian talk, my tenacity and perseverance in the face of rejection and abuse demonstrated significant faith in God and Jesus. I didn’t give up on church. I am finally a member of a church where there is a sincere emphasis on leading an authentic Christian life. It is not just a Sunday feel good hour.
Another review appears to be more about the reviewer’s misperceptions about me and anger rather than about the quality of the book. She accuses me of holding onto anger and failing to move on. As a psychologist I can’t help but wonder if she is projecting her own fears, hurts and repressed anger onto me. She fails to recognize the long-term impact of neglect, verbal and physical abuse when she describes my parents as merely “very critical”. When survivors such as myself tell their stories, it is their fervent hope that by doing so they are helping to prevent others from being abused and are providing comfort to those who are still struggling with their own victimization.
Writing Not of My Making was a painful journey of discovering why my parents, classmates and former friends were so cruel. I am grateful to everyone who has taken the time to read my book. I pray that their knowledge and understanding of survivors has increased and they are less likely to blame the victim. I also pray they will support groups who are trying to end abuse and care for survivors.
