Comments on: Was Writing Cathartic?

By: Margaret

Margaret — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 16:50:11 +0000

Thank you, John, for reconsidering my book. It is a worthy mission to minister to those who have been dechurched no matter which denomination they belonged to. I believe emotional and spiritual abuse has and can occur in mainline churches as well as evangelical churches. May I ask what caused you to change your mind about “Not of My Making”?

By: John Weaver

John Weaver — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 15:30:32 +0000

I just wanted to say I was deeply sorry for my comments on your book. I was reading it in haste, and I think now it is worthy of promotion on any blog. If you still want me to promote it on my blog, I’d be more than happy too. By the way, when I said I was willing to listen, I just want you to know I wasn’t talking about taking the role of a counselor. That would indeed be inappropriate. I just meant as someone who cared. Anyway, good luck with your blog and book, and feel free to e-mail me at john_weaver8@hotmail.com. I think there’s a real need for ministry to mainline church survivors as well, especially since their problems are not as publicized as much today as evangelical church survivorship is.

Best wishes,
John

By: Margaret

Margaret — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:47:08 +0000

One Survivor, I am sure someone somewhere will accuse you of lying if you tell your story but it is unlikely they will sue you for libel if you keep to the facts and do not make wild accusations. You can say whatever you want about anyone so long as it is true. Most state bar associations provide guidelines for reporters which also applies to anyone writing about anyone since the First Amendment applies to us all. Massachusetts had a particularly good guide online that I used when writing my book.

If you truly believe this therapist violated the ethics code of her profession you can either file a complaint with the licensing board and/or with her professional organization. Even though you are unlikely to “win” it would draw attention to her behavior and may act as a deterrent.

I encourage all survivors to tell their stories. If survivors remain silent people can get away with putting their heads in the sand and pretend abuse of this kind doesn’t happen and they are therefore innocent. Unless we can get people to openly talk about abuse and bullying will we be able to put an end to it.

By: One Survivor

One Survivor — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 04:56:04 +0000

You have me thinking, Margaret, especially when you mention the First Amendment. I always wonder…if I tell my story…will I be accused of lying and get hauled into court. In my case, I am thinking of a therapist who was abusive. I have always avoided naming her, although (I think) I may have used her initials. Am I protected if I “tell”? Maybe I really should check into it.

I have a story to tell and I have thought about filing a complaint…now that I know that residency in her state is no longer a requirement. Filing a complaint involves a lot of stuff that I am not sure I want to get into, though…even though my only real direct involvement with her was through her forum, some emails and one phone call.

Like you…I would like to wake people up to the kinds of things that go on…the ways abuses can take place. But I am not sure the best way to go about that. One thing I am doing is writing an article on survivor safety…particularly on the internet…although some of it will naturally fit in-person interactions, too. It is not my desire to get into a power struggle with this person through the system. But it is my desire to tell my story.

I really appreciate what you wrote here. I don’t know if I need to tell my story for my sake, but I do know that I care about others. Thinking, thinking.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:58:48 +0000

Carol, unfortunately abuse is common and “support systems” can be harsh and unforgiving. I am glad my book has been a godsend for you. Thank you for understanding why it was important to include the details that I did. Verbally it has been hard to explain the events to others. By writing I was able to lay out the details and untangled the web freeing myself from the tyranny of the groups I belonged to. In my journal there are many cathartic entries but the process of writing “Not of My Making” was more analytical. It allowed me to distance myself from the events and evaluate what had happened. Much like Oscar Schinler’s sitting on the horse on a hill above the ghetto and witnessing the Nazi “cleansing”. At that moment he realized how evil the Nazi’s were and someday he would be called upon to bear witness to those events. In my book I bear witness for myself and my fellow survivors. I call bystanders to break their silence and stand up for what is right.

By: Carol Welch

Carol Welch — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:14:03 +0000

“Not of My Making” has been a godsend for me. The initial abuse in one’s
life is difficult enough; but the re-abuse by ‘support’ systems (for me) was quite traumatizing.

In your book, you have so well articulated the emotions and thoughts and doubts and trauma, the ups and downs, the ins and outs, the search for how to find empowerment. I can relate to so much of what you write. I appreciate your openness and honesty. The book hasn’t been easy reading. There is also lots of detail that, if not for my own experiences and the layers and layers and layers of interactions, I might have found tedious. But those details are what makes the story. Webs are not easy to untangle. You have done a fabulous job, imo. You have helped me to begin the process and find my own voice and empowerment of unscrambling my way out from under an avalanche.

I understand when you state that writing your memoir helped to see the what and why process. I know for me, writing memoir is different from journaling and poetry, both of which are cathartic for me. With memoir, I want to see the events for what they were, both how I responded and how the other party responded. For me, it’s different somehow, writing memoir compared to journaling.