By: cathy sabella fitzgerald

cathy sabella fitzgerald — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 03:03:42 +0000

margaret and jeff,
both stories are beautifully said – i had tears in my eyes reading both – man i can so identify with both of you and all the others who were bullied in school – and yes i think this reunion redeemed all of us – and wow – margaret went out on a limb and “saved” a whole class – jeff im feel bad for your pain back then but i think u r accepted now as we all are. we all belong now .

By: Jeff Fisher

Jeff Fisher — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 04:11:53 +0000

Wow…this rings so true. I can remember witnessing an incident was occurring to some poor classmate. The correct thing to do would have been to stand up for the victim and tell the instigator to knock it off, or grow up…but the fear was that they would then turn on you. Word would get out and instead of being hailed the hero, you would be branded a sympathizer. With confidence and self-esteem already challenged, it was usually easier to keep moving and hope a teacher, or the proverbial “someone else” would step up and end it. I don’t think many of us stopped to realize the deeper right and wrong issue we were actually facing during those moments. And I think many of the teachers had the attitude of, “kids will be kids”. Certainly, the larger long-term issues were never considered by anyone…including the school and district administration, who should have enforced an absolute zero tolerance policy towards bullying of any kind. Looking back on incidents directed at me, I didn’t fault the bystanders because I knew the instant choice they were facing.
I certainly had some really great times in school, and I hope we can all say that. For me, the bullying seemed to come in waves…there were periods of relative calmness, and periods of what seemed like never ending torment. There were days I actually dreaded going to a certain class or even to school at all. At one point, I dreaded gym class. Not being a stellar athlete, I had to look forward to being picked last if sides were chosen, or being an easy target in dodge ball, and being humiliated by having to wear the shorts and tee shirt. Forget having to be naked in the shower! And, my God, what if the gym divider was open and the girls were there! Being screamed at and having my failures and inabilities pointed out to all by the gym teacher didn’t help, either. A little encouragement might have been appreciated….”Good job, Jeff…attaboy”. The only gym teachers I remember who used encouragement at all were Mr. Lapar and Mr. Scanlon.
After graduation, when the notice came about our reunion, I was excited at first. Then, I envisioned it as a Gathering of the Beta Crowd, and I thought, this bunch did nothing but laugh and make fun of me. Why would I want to show up 10 years later to allow them to continue? I couldn’t show up and say I was a lawyer. I couldn’t show up and say I was a doctor. Ten years after graduation, I had been married and recently separated…so I couldn’t even show up with a “trophy wife”. I was a two-bit radio announcer who had yet to hit anything remotely resembling the “big time”. What could I possibly bring to the reunion to shock and awe anyone? So, I passed on each and every one.
As scarred as I became from those incidents, I sadly think they pale when compared to what you had to go through, Margaret. As you said, I can’t remember any specific instigators or even incidents either. But I must confess that I can remember a prevailing attitude among guys that “Wandel” equated to the undesirable girl, the poor ugly duckling that no one wanted to be associated with.
Obviously, the recent pictures of you proved all of that was dead wrong…and despite your cruel treatment and horrible memories, you became the one who ultimately pulled us all back together.
Redemption, indeed!

Comments on: Facebook Redemption

By: cathy sabella fitzgerald

By: Jeff Fisher