I have been asked if I enjoyed writing, Not of My Making. Yes and no. Writing Not of My Making was a lifeboat that I clung to. My very survival depended on it. My former friends had done everything they could to prevent me from telling my story to others. While they were successful within our church community, they couldn’t prevent me from talking to others outside of church nor keep me from writing a book about it. The First Amendment of the United States Constitution protects my right to report the facts and express my opinion. I developed a deeper appreciation for freedom of speech and a greater awareness that without the First Amendment those with more power would silence those weaker and more vulnerable themselves.
In order to write Not of My Making I rearranged my schedule so I would have four hours on Monday mornings to focus on the task. When I first started writing the book I would type until flooded with anxiety. I would then spend the rest of the time curled up on my couch in a fetal position. Eventually as I wrote and processed the events leading to my dechurchings the anxiety became less crippling. I could use the entire four hours plus any other free moment to work on my book.
So the answer to the question is that writing Not of My Making was hard but necessary work. I am glad I did it. The process helped me clarify issues and find my voice. It has also given me a new career. In addition to being a psychologist I am now an author and publisher. I have come full circle. I am now more of myself than I have ever been.