Stigma

My client tells me about the man she is dating. She’s worried. He was sexually abused as a child. “Does that mean he might molest my kids?” she asked.
My throat tightens. I know what she is thinking. All those perps who say they were molested. But that may not be true. It may just be self serving trying to gain the sympathy from the judge and prosecutor. I want to cry. Outwardly I maintain my composure. “No, it’s not true,” I replied. “Survivors are probably less likely to molest your children. They know what it is like to be treated like an object. They are often tormented at the thought of other children suffering what they have suffered.”
My client doesn’t know I am a survivor. I don’t think this is the time for self disclosure so I don’t tell her. I don’t tell her I can’t get out of the starting gate. That people won’t give me a fair chance. With their false claims the perps have re-victimized me and other survivors by making people wary of us. Unknowingly bystanders become the perps’ accomplishes further injuring victims.
I would never hurt a child. I would never do to a child what was done to me. I just want to stop the pain. Just because I was molested doesn’t make me dangerous. The opposite is true. That is why I was so easily victimized. I was small, weak and vulnerable. My parents weren’t able to protect me. When will people stop rejecting me and see the good person that I am?
Somehow all of these myths affirm the higher social rank of people who were never victimized. People often admire the bully and despise the victim. Once victimized you are garbage. You don’t account for anything. Reject. Reject. I hear the taunts from my childhood ringing in my head. I see myself hurrying home from school trying to hide my tears. I just want a place for myself and other survivors. That is why my book is so important. It is a starting point. It is the beginning of educating the public about survivors and helping them find a place without having to hide what was done to them.
God, please, please help me do this. I am so scared.